and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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