dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
