apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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