i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Even my vagina gasped.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
