I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
