So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
