I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize