My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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