why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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