that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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