She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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