Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
