but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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