Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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