Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
