i wish there were pregnant emoticons
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
