When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
