Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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