She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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