Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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