and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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