HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i dont even know how to be here
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize