Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
