Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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