She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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