I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
