Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
