Michael Bay diarrhea
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
