I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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