I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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