i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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