Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
