i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
