you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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