you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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