I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
