Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
