So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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