Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
