the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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