Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
