Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
