Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I will pee on everything he values.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize