the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He passed out mid-signature
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
