you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
