i think my mom watched the whole time
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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