all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
