a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
