Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
