5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Randomize
