I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
