You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize