eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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