Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
