Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
