nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
