Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
