Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
