there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
