how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
