hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize