She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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