True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
