Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
