I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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