worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
