It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
